Ahhh… Vacation Fun
Happy Monday!!! It doesn’t even feel like a Monday. Honestly my days are all mixing since we left for vacation in SC. We had a blast with our kids and friends. Days at the beach, pool, Myrtle Beach strip… and a couple golf carts that the kids would probably all say was their favorite part of the trip.
This was the first year we didn’t have any real sunburns so that was also a win! Only took 6 years to be smart enough to get the kids hats and long sleeve bathing suits. And I decided to be smart as well and ensure I didn’t think I was more hardcore than the sun.
Is vacation ever all sunshine and rainbows though? I feel like all we post or see are beautiful photos of smiling faces and posing for the perfect shot. 15 takes to get the one that is deemed worthy for social media. “I blinked”. “My fat is showing”. “My hair is messed up”. “I look ugly”. Any of those sound familiar? Yes, I feel attacked too. No I’m not sorry. Take the damn photos. Share the real not the fake.
Truth is, although we had a blast, it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows. You see, in January, my husband and I attended a program called Re-Engage (group Christian marriage “counseling”) and private marriage counseling. One of the biggest lessons I learned was to draw a circle, stand in it, and focus on that person only. Meaning while it would be fun to tell all you the reasons I wanted to back hand my husband, the truth is, I failed my marriage training.
Yes I said training. That wasn’t a typo and I can only imagine your face right now. But we all fall in love and expect this fairy tale to happen the minute we say I do. We expect our spouse to just know what we want or expect. My generation was growing up in single family homes and not many with good examples of what a good, strong marriage is. Speaking of marital problems is a big no no. Not arguing (healthily… is that even a word?) in front of the kids is a big no no. Serving your spouse makes you seem weak.
First off, if you aren’t surrounded with people to help you through marital struggles then you need a new circle. (If your a person of faith, I’d highly recommend reaching out to your faith center for groups to join or email me at email@example.com and let’s chat). Second, if you can’t have disagreements in front of your children, how will they then learn to resolve things in a healthy manner? How will they know the difference between a healthy disagreement and an unhealthy one? And last, when did marriage become a “thing” instead of a union. When did aiming to serve and please your spouse become taboo and “whipped”? Took me 6.5 years of marriage, near divorce, and 2 types of counseling for me finally get the bigger picture here. Believe or not, but I do find my marriage happier and stronger when we both aim to seek out each other’s needs and meet them over our own wants.
I think I went on a rant there…… my b.
So while having fun, eating horribly, and drinking more beer than any human should consume in a week, I found myself forgetting every communication skill I learned over the last 6 months. Poof! Gone! I was more interested in fun, doing what I wanted (I was on vacation duhhhh) and that frustrated my husband who also lost his communication skills. Bad combo right? Yaaaaa…..
As if it couldn’t get any worse… Keep reading…
Let’s just say, I then chose the path of PETTINESS…. even through today. For what? I don’t know. Bad habits tend to sneak up I guess 💁♀️ Anyway, now the man I love dearly, is in uniform and working basically the next 2 days straight with minimal sleep and my stubbornness isn’t helping anything. Also, our opportunity to discuss our communication issues has narrowed as he needs those few hours of off time to sleep so he can be alert for his next shift.
Are you upset with your spouse about something? Are you handling it like I just did? Go say sorry. Just do it. It’s not a sign of weakness. It’s an invitation to work on communicating why your hurt and why your spouse feels hurt. Then, the hardest part of all…. Forgiveness. Next week, we are going to talk about forgiveness so stay tuned!
And yes, I just said I’m sorry…..